I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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