cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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