god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
