You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
