my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
