so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
