I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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