If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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