At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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