I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
