god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
