oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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