Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
