literally had 100 drinks last night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
