apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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