The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
