He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize