just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
