Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
