Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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