3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Panties = found
Randomize
