in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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