Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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