i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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