The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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