just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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