I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
