Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
