"it" just moved
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize