Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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