so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
