24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You made out with two different species that night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
