11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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