Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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