My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
