you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize