He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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