both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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