Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
im on a boat
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