New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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