I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
