You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
