I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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