Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
