1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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