you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
