I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
