I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
