Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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