You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
