I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
