i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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