i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
