Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
