I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
