Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
