i already hear my dad disowning me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
