if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
