so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
