I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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