a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
