thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Alive.
So much puke
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
