Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You've changed since you got that strap on
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize