my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
