first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
