i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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