i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
