Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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