i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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