This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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