when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
