i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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