forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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