using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Randomize
