from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
