I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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