from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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