I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
