my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize