Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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