I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
