i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
