we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
