Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
