If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
