nut hugger
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize