I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
