if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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