I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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