When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
