I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
