I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
