mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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