I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
