The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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