The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize