i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
