I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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