I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
4 words: hood of his car
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
