there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
