I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize