I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
