it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
