I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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