How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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