Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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