What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize