3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
