Welp...herpes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
