she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
