3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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