I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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