I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
