cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize