I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize