i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
