i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
