this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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