I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
